


If Only

by they_make_me_weak



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Anxiety, Bottom Calum, Cling Luke, Depressed Luke, Eating Disorders, Feels, How Do I Tag, M/M, Panic Attacks, Prostitution, Quiet Luke, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Shy Luke, Top Calum, Top Luke, bottomluke, i will add more later, idk how to tag, just really sad things really, non-con, pimps, read at your own risk please, trigger warning, ummmmmm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:42:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4443836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/they_make_me_weak/pseuds/they_make_me_weak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only he hadn't been walking by himself.<br/>If only he knew self-defense.<br/>If only he was a little bit faster.<br/>If only he was mentally stronger.<br/>If only he could make it out alive.<br/>If only he wanted to.<br/>If only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The beginning

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

Chapter 1

The cool bite of the concrete stung his hands, the rough grain imprinting into his cheek. Hands gripped his hair as the stench of garbage collided with his face, words just as bad as the smell made their way into his ears. “You are mine, boy. You belong to me now.”

A single tear melted its way onto the pavement, staining it with the all the emotion the boy felt but couldn’t express. The phone he had used to call his mother discarded somewhere, the sound of her cries nowhere to be heard.

***

The man holding Luke’s shoulder in a vice grip opened a door at the end of a bunch of hallways. The man shoved the young boy into the room, not really caring about him at all. 

Luke looked around to see that he was in a bedroom type area inhabited by several other boys, all of whom were staring at him.

“Boys, this is our newest conquest, Luke. Show him his shit and stuff. Dinner is in twenty minutes,” and with that the quiet, mouse-like man left, shutting the door to the large area with a resounding click. Despite the man’s small features and weak personality, Luke was still frightened of him. He was frightened of everything at the moment.

Luke stared with wide eyes at all of the boys in the room, feeling completely overwhelmed and lost. Since entering the building blind-folded, his heart had not quit thumping in his chest; the constant threat of vomiting everything he’s ever eaten at the forefront of his brain.

The room was full of boys who were just staring at Luke, making him want to cry more than he had wanted to previously. He could feel his breathing pick up and his body start to shake. Everything that had happened to him was starting to catch up with Luke, and all he wanted to do was cry. 

A tall, skinny, blonde boy (much like Luke but older looking) approached the shaking boy with a sad look on his face. He turned around to look at all of the other boys who were still staring at Luke and barked out, “Leave him alone and get ready for dinner, boys. Give him space!” The tall boy moved closer to Luke making the younger one flinch and shrink in on himself. “Easy. I won’t hurt you, I promise,” he said quietly. 

The boy gestured around the room, “I don’t know how much you’ve been briefed, but this place is 'No-Name', I would say welcome, but this is the last place you would ever want to be.”

Confused as ever, Luke just stared at the boy with sad eyes, not knowing how to respond.

“So your name’s Luke, huh? I’m Jake and I’m so sorry to meet you man.”

Jake reached out to shake Luke’s hand, but when the smaller boy stared at him with puppy-dog eyes, Jake pulled him into a hug, pushing Luke’s head against his chest and rubbing circles into the shaking boy’s back.

Jake wanted to tell the boy that everything was going to be alright, but he knew that it wouldn’t be.

He pulled away from Luke, looking him up and down for the first time, taking in his skinny limbs, and his short body. He let out a rough breath. “Luke. How old are you.” He didn’t ask it as a question, already knowing that the answer wouldn’t be what he wanted to hear.

“Fif-fifteen,” the small boy stuttered out. Luke was surprised he was able to speak. Usually in stressful situations he shuts down to the point of barely being functional.

“Fuck,” Jake breathes out. “That’s just-“ he shakes his head, walking in a circle and rubbing his hands over his face. “You’ll be alright little man. I’ll try my hardest to protect you.”

He walked back around to face Luke again.

“Fuck. You don’t deserve this.”

***

Luke picked at the small portion of food he had been given. Just vegetables and a slab of something he assumed was meat. He hadn’t eaten any of what he was given, having no appetite whatsoever after the day he had had.

“You should eat that, little man. You have your first presentation tonight and you’re going to need all the energy you can to be strong enough for that,” Jake whispered in his ear, rubbing circles onto Luke’s shoulder again.

Luke looked up at Jake with his bright blue puppy dog eyes, tilting his head in confusion.

“I don’t know what to tell you, kid.” Jake says with a sigh. “Everyone has to do it when they first come to the hell-hole. It’s going to be awful, and painful, but you can’t let it break you.” He turned Luke’s body on the cold metal bench to face him. “I know you’re scared and overwhelmed, but you have to stay in control of your own mind. The only way that you can win is if you’re in control up here,” he says knocking gently on Luke’s temple, “and here” he says patting he place where Luke’s heart lies, “and maybe even here” he says booping Luke on the nose, making the young boy crack a smile.

“There we go,” Jake says with a grin. “That cute grin is what I like to see, little man.”

And with that, Luke was starting to feel a little bit better. Just a little bit.

***

“Luke? It’s time to get ready for your presentation, buddy,” Jake said softly, waking Luke up from the little cat nap he had taken after “dinner”. He had ended up giving his food to Jake because he knew that somebody should eat it. 

Luke had his head almost touching his knees, his arms wrapped around himself, looking so incredibly small and vulnerable.

“Come on. They’re waiting and you really don’t want to make them mad.”

Luke reluctantly left the warm semi-comfort of his new bed, to follow Jake out the door.

“What are you carrying?” Luke asked Jake quietly, amazed at the somewhat steadiness of his voice.

“This is your costume. What you’re going to wear during your presentation,” Jake chokes out, knowing where this conversation is going, and not wanting to scare the young boy into breaking.

“But why is it so small?” Luke questions in a small voice.

“Uhhh. Because there’s not much there, little man.”

That effectively shut Luke up.

***

“Lucas! It’s so nice to meet you! My new star, I can feel it,” a man yelled across the dressing room Luke was currently being held in. He was a short man, but he looked nothing like the master-mind behind a hidden prostitution service. He looked more like a suburban father, which made him even creepier to Luke.

“I see you’ve been given your costume. Good. Good.” He says looking Luke up and down. It makes the young boy feel extremely uncomfortable, especially given the fact that all he is wearing is a collar and handcuffs. He clings to Jake’s side, not ready for anything that’s about to happen.

“It’s show-time, my boy, and I can already tell that you are going to make the crowd go wild,” the man told Luke, caressing the side of his face and emphasizing his words with a tap to Luke’s butt.

***

“Stop. Stop I don’t want to anymore!” he cried, all he wanted was to be anywhere but there. He never asked for this.

“What did I tell you about speaking out of turn, my dear Lucas. I paid a lot of for you and I plan on getting my money’s worth.

Luke had no choice but to silence himself and do whatever he was told.

***

“Luke. Luke, baby, it’s Jake. It’s time to leave now.”

At the sound of Jake’s voice and his close proximity to Luke, Luke jumped backwards, wincing in pain as he did. “I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt me!” he whimpered, shaking in his place on the ground.

“It’s alright little man. I won’t hurt you I promise. Remember me? You’re alright kid.” 

Jake picked him up off of the ground and out of the disgusting room, holding the shaking young boy in his arms. 

“You’ll be okay, little man. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is my first try at a fanfiction, so I hope that you keep reading and bare with me. I hope it'll get better from here! Let me know what you think and if I should keep going.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Lets try this again.

A sharp knock on the door startles Luke into remembering where and who he is. 

"Did you pay my handler?" Luke asks as the  man he's with kisses up and down the side of his neck. 

"Yeah. Yeah, it's all done baby."

The man caresses Luke's bare chest, peppering kisses down the front.

"Luke. Let's go!" His handler says loudly from the other side of the door.

"I have to leave now. You know the rules," Luke stonily tells the man. He squirms to remove his thin body from under the large man on top of him. 

His clothes are thrown all over so he quickly finds them, making sure to stick his ass straight up in the air as entertainment for the man he left on the bed.

"When will I see you again?" The man on the bed asks, sounding like he's trying to be sexy.

Luke walks back over to the bed, making sure his act is still on. "You know how this works Mr. Frost. You pay for me, I'll come back and make you scream all night long." Luke punctuates each word by licking the shell of the man's ear.

"Lucas!"

"I'll see you later baby."

"Uh. Yeah. Sure."

As Luke left the room, he left his hard persona in the room with the man on the bed. No longer the sexy prostitute he pretended to be, but now slipping back intk the shy broken boy he is when he's not working.

"You doing alright little man?" Jake asked him. As his handler, Jake knew all too well how Luke got after working for a night. Jake handed Luke his jacket where Luke immediately reached into the pocket for his cigarettes, pulling one out and quickly lighting it. All he needed was to calm down.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine," he mutters between breaths.

Despite the image he portrays of a cool, put-together man who can easily arouse anyone, he is actually a shy, quiet boy with crippling anxiety and severe depression. 

But he can't let anyone else know that.

They walked the cold streets of London, back to the old hotel building where head quarters was.

"Do we need to go see Doc? Was he rough last night?" Jake asks, starting to worry. He was one of the only people able to catch onto how bad Luke's depression really was, and how bad it got the quieter Luke became.

"Sorry, did you say something?" Luke asks. He looks over at Jake, his puppy dog eyes making an appearance for a split second, but it was enough to tell Jake that something was wrong.

"Luke."

He looks down at the ground, still taking frequent drags of his cigarette. "I'm fine Jake. Really." 

They're almost back to headquarters, which Luke is thankful for because then Jake will back off and leave him alone. 

"You've got to hang in there buddy. You can't give up."

"I won't," Luke replies, non-convincingly.

Luckily they turn the corner directly onto the front steps of their building.

"Time to go back to hell," Luke mutters under his breath. 

***

"Hemmings, Mr. Reed wants to see you in his office. He said it was important," one of the other boys in his room informed him. He spoke quietly and seemed afraid of Luke. It made sense though. Even though he wasn't one of the older boys there, he had been there longer than many others, therefore he was highly respected among most of the boys.

But respect only went so far. 

"That's not fair! Why are you the favorite! There's nothing special about you!" One of the boys sitting on the floor across the room yelled.

"Shut up man! He's obviously the prettiest one here, and he has seniority so why don't you shove your foot up your ass somewhere else."

Luke was very greatful for the other boy who defended him, but if they knew what his prize for being the favorite was, nobody would be jealous of him.

Realizing that he was taking too long to get to Mr. Reed's office, he quickly jumped down from his bunk and quickly exited the room.

***

"My boy. I thought you would never show up!" Mr. Reed gushed when Luke entered the large office room, slightly out of breath.

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I will try better next time." Luke knew how this went. His body started to shake in anticipation of what was going to happen next. 

"Strip please, Princess. Daddy wants to see your beautiful body."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was okay. Let me know what you think. If people keep reading, there will be faster updates, like tonight maybe. :)


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is to make up for the crappy filler chapter I posted earlier today. Be prepared, this chapter gets pretty heavy and the plot is starting to pick up! It's also really long...

Chapter 3

Luke walks back to his room feeling lower than he has in a long time. It’s taken him a while to walk back to his room because of the sickening pain in between his legs and all of the lash marks on his back, each step becoming harder and harder to take.

All he wants is to lay in his bed and never wake up. But of course, Luke never gets his way.

“Luke? Are you okay? You look like death,” a boy from Luke’s room, Nick, asks. All of the boys that live in that room, around 30 in total, turn around to look at him. Thirty boys who look up to Luke, even though some are older, and all of the responsibility is starting to suffocate him.

“Yes! I’m fucking fine! Will everyone please stop asking me that?” Luke explodes. Nick backs off a little, not expecting Luke to be so rude. Everyone is used to him being the nice, quiet, shy boy that everyone likes but no one talks to.

“You have no right to be selfish and rude Luke. You’re the favorite, so you get special treatment, while the rest of us sit here being tortured and ignored!” A boy from across the room, Angel, shouts.

“Yeah! Leave him alone and go back to Mr. Reed. God knows he spoils you rotten, Mr. Favorite,” another boy hisses out.

Luke turns to face them, he can feel tears pricking his eyes and his hands start to shake from all the emotion trapped inside of him.

“Special treatment?” Luke scoffs, appalled. ”You think I get special treatment? Well I have news for you. The special treatment I get is one meal every few days because my body has to be perfect in order to make the most money. The special treatment I get is getting whipped whenever I make the smallest mistake or say the wrong thing,” Luke yells, the words bubbling out of his mouth in pure anger.

He continues with, “I can’t sleep at night because someone always comes in to take me away and fuck me in a private room while I’m blindfolded. The special treatment I get is being used as a toy by the corporates because I’m ‘pretty’ and have a ‘nice ass’,” Luke tries to take a breath, the anger turning into a panic attack.  
He had walked closer to Angel without thinking, and was practically in his face as he whispered the last part. “The special treatment I get is never getting to say ‘no’ no matter how much I fucking hurt, even when I’m not working. I’m never safe and it’s killing me. So don’t you dare say that I get special treatment. I hate being the fucking favorite but I live with it so that none of you have to.” 

Luke spits out the last few words, his breaths coming in and out so fast that none of the oxygen stays in his lungs. The room is completely silent. None of them had any clue what Luke went through, and now he had laid most of it right there on the table for them. He felt vulnerable, and drained, but all he could think about was how he couldn’t breathe. He was being suffocated by the weight of everything on his shoulders and he couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Somebody go find Jake,” one of the boys in the room suddenly yelled, breaking the intense silence. “Now!”

Luke sunk to the floor, his vision blurry and his head pounding. He hadn’t eaten in days and the amount of energy his body was using to heal the open wounds on his back was to much to keep the rest of his body working.

As Luke was breaking into pieces on the floor, everyone in the room just stared, not able to comprehend what was going on. Their leader was having a massive breakdown and no one knew what to do about it.

Suddenly someone came running into the room, and cold hands gripped Luke’s sweaty forehead, moving him to look the person in the eyes. “Luke. Lukey you need to calm down. This isn’t going to help anything. You need to breathe.”

“I-I c-can’t,” Luke said, trying to focus on one of the many Jakes swimming in front of his eyes.

Jake moved to sit on the floor, pulling Luke into his lap resting Luke’s head against his chest. Luke jumped in Jake’s arms when Jake tried to rub his back. Jake peeled the shirt off of Luke’s body, slick with blood and sweat. The entire room gasped at all of the marks and bruises, new and old, that encased Luke’s body.

Seeming to notice for the first time the audience they had, Jake looked up, addressing them in a loud voice, “Oi! What are you still doing here! Get out!” Quickly every single one of them filed out of the room, shocked into obeying anything and everything.

Jake focused back down to Luke’s shaking body, tears still spilling out of his eyes. His breath wasn’t coming in gasps anymore, but it wasn’t completely even yet and probably wouldn’t be for a while.

Skin on skin contact always helped whenever Luke had a panic attack, no matter how far off in his own head he was. Ever since he was fifteen, when Luke had first come to ‘No Name’, he had had a special connection with Jake. After his presentation, Jake had been the one to clean Luke up and hold him while he cried. Jake was the one to teach him how to detatch himself from his job so that he could mentally stay intact.

Jake was the only one who knew about what happened to Luke when no one was watching. 

Or, he was the only one.

“It’s okay Little Man. Just fall asleep. I’m right here Lukey,” Jake whispered into the small boy’s hair, kissing away his worries. Even though Jake had been promoted to Luke’s handler, a very desired job since Luke was the beloved golden boy, he was still Luke’s best friend and the only one Luke ever opened up to.  
“You’ll be okay baby.”

***

“Jake? Luke needs to head down to Preparations. He has an appointment with a new partner tonight and they need to prepare and debrief him. Also, I think Mr. Reed wanted to speak to him before he left,” one of the other handlers, Andrew, informed Jake.

Fuck, Jake thought. Nothing ever came good of Mr. Reed wanting to speak with Luke.

“Thanks Andrew. I’ll let him know.” Jake looked down to the sleeping boy on his lap. It had taken quite a while for Luke to calm down enough to be able to fall asleep, so Jake really didn’t want to wake Luke up.

Andrew left and Jake just kept staring down at the boy in his arms. Jake knew that Luke was not ready to work again yet. He knew what had happened earlier during his meeting with Mr. Reed and that it had injured Luke. Not to mention the scary whip wounds on his back that really needed to be treated by a doctor.   
But, Jake had no choice but to wake Luke up and make him go back to being a slave to the devil.

He started by massaging his thumbs into Luke’s jawline, knowing that he loved it when Jake touched his face. Before he was taken, Luke loved it when people touched him, found it comforting. Now the only person he wanted to touch him was Jake. Everyone else touched him against his will.  
“Luke. Luke. Luke,” Jake whispered into his ears. Luke’s eye fluttered open, turning his blue eyes to look straight into Jake’s dark brown ones. “Hi baby,” Jake greeted with a smile, moving his hands to rub behind Luke’s ears. 

Luke smiled back at him, his small grin turning back into a frown when Jake told the younger boy that he had had an appointment that he needed to get to. Jake watched the memories com flying back to Luke’s eyes. He watched the life drain from Luke’s face as everything came back to him.

“Right,” he muttered getting off of Jake’s lap and floating to the door on his long thin legs. Before Jake could say anything reassuring to the younger boy, he was gone.

***

“Luke, your appointment is with a new client of ours, Mr. Clifford. Now it is absolutely important that you are on your best behavior, in order to draw him in and to keep him coming back. That’s why we chose you, Luke. You are the best… entertainer… we have here at ‘No Name’, Mr. Reed talked at Luke, throwing information at him almost mockingly. “Are you understanding me, boy?”

“Yes Daddy,” Luke repeated as a reflex. He was used to being chosen as the ‘entertainer for the new guests. That was his job, to be the pretty boy everyone loves.  
“Now come give Daddy a kiss and get off to work. Make Daddy proud Princess!”

Luke hated the pet names they used for each other, but he had no say in the matter. He hated Mr. Reed with every fiber of his tiny little body, but there was nothing that he could do about it.

Luckily, Luke left Mr. Reed’s office with no injuries, and he headed off to the front doors to wait for Jake to escort him to Mr. Clifford’s quarters. Unless the customer lived miles away, Luke and Jake were forced to walk to every appointment because Luke needed ‘exercise to tone his chubby body’ which was far from the truth, but the only people oblivious to the fact were Luke and Mr. Reed.

As they were walking, Luke could feel Jake next to him, practically about to explode with questions for Luke. “I swear if you ask me if I’m okay I’ll drag you into the nearest alley and leave you there,” Luke said harshly, all his patience used up for the day.

“Relax Luke. All I wanted to do was tell you about the customer you are going to meet. That’s all,” Jake said trying to defend himself.

“I call bullshit, but whatever. I don’t care about the customer. I know he’s a dude, and I know he’s rich enough to afford me. I don’t need to know anything else. I just want this to be over as quick as possible,” Luke mutters out, done with everything at the moment. All he wants to do is to go back to his room and sleep for as long as possible. He hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep in God knows when and it is taking its toll on Luke’s mind as well as his body. Every step hurts, but again, there’s nothing he can do about it.

“Well, we’re here now. You know the rules so I don’t need to tell you, but I do need you to know that this appointment is important to your well-being. Don’t fuck it up, okay Little Man?” Jake whispers into his ear as he pulls Luke into a tight hug on the doorstep of the customer’s apartment building.

“I’ll try not to, brother,” Luke whispers back into Jake’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that okay? I promise the next chapter will be interesting, and I'm already started on writing it. Talk to me!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that was okay. As a heads up, the next chapter will be 3 years later, so not quite so under age, but when I post that depends on what people think of this chapter. Or even if I should continue. My motivation will come from if anyone reads this so... please let me know what you think!  
> Side note: I couldn't figure the formatting out so it look really gross right now, but it's too late to fix.


End file.
